There are times when I would like to think that we have made progress in our world. I found myself recently having a conversation about a topic rather close to me and heard the preson across from me say, "I would like to think that that is pretty well accepted here." A part of me, a deep part of me, would like to agree and think that yes, we have a campus that is willing to accept each person for who they are, whomever that might be. But my experiences are far too personal and far too deep to allow myself to believe that it is indeed true.
We work to fight issues like racism, sexism, gender-ism, classism and the list just goes on and on and on. And yet I can still come to find something like a note stating that whomever took the time to type and print it "fucking hates jesus lovers."
When you find yourself living in the majority with even just one portion of your personal identity, it is easy to fall into the fact, or at least expectation, that you will not be discriminated against baised upon that one majority location. What happens, then, when you are still indeed discrimitated against?
We have people pushing us to believe that all of who we are is okay, that we can be open about it and share it widley. And yet we have discrimination, predjudice and pure and utter oppression to even our majority locations and identitities. What is wrong with this picture?
I think also to my personal experience at the Tunnel of Oppression last night-- they had us do the line of privelege where you step forward of elements of your identity which give you privilege and backwards for elements which typically oppress. Suddenly I found myself (a white, Christian, well educated, woman) with my back literally against the wall as I tried to take another step backwards.
What we fail to recognize is that when two white women, from roughly the same place, with roughly the same ontological locations are still vastely different. Diversity is not defined soley by race, class, abileism, education, spirituatlity, sex, gender, and sexual orientation. Diversity at its root is the recognition that people are different and that this difference is okay (or at least that is what we are trying to convince our society-- I argue that we are not there yet). But diversity has come far enough along now that it too has its limitations.
We need things, categories like "race" as a starting point. By the nature of how humans work, we need some sort of classification or grouping system to make sense of things. But what is almost always frogotten is that this classification or grouping should serve only as a starting point. Once whe have made the grouping (race) and gained a base line of understanding we must then disregard the grouping (race) and take the information we have gathered and view again everything without grouping (e.g. all people as apposed to one specific race).
While diversity, which was once just race-- black verses white --has contineud to expand with time, it has not expaned far enough, yet, to include all individuals. Most specifically, diversity fails to consider individuals as a unit which can have multiple locations and identities. Well, I have to recognize that some have begun to make this recognition. We are far from considering them seemlessly, though.
While someone may be seen as both white and woman, the two classifications are usually considered separately. What does it mean, or what comes along with being white? And, respectively, what does it mean, or what comes along with being a woman?
What happens, though, when someone is a Christian Feminist?
Some would readily say, so what, someone can be both Christian and Feminist. And to an extent, I agree. What happens when the topic of abortion arises? Assumptions are usually made in relation to this topic and someone's location as a Christian (e.g. usually pro-live) and someone's location as a Feminist (e.g. usually pro-choice). Where then does this leave the Christian Feminist?
Further, what can be said about the assumptions that we make when we learn of someone's identity or location-- e.g. Christian automatically means a pro-life stance?
What will it take for us to push the envelope and truly changes our current ways of thinking? Please note here that I used the word "we". I include myself in this statement. I may regularly think about these issues, research them, write, present and generally discuss them but this does not mean that I am immune to what our society subjects us all to.
What is most frustrating to me is that we talk about these issues, sometimes, and come up with what we know needs to be changed or addressed. And yet we do little to nothing to make our ideas and articulated concerns a changed reality. More fritening than anything else is the pure and rather simple fact that most have no clue what can be done to truly address the issues. We do not understand or at least struggle to accept that I as one person can make a change within my own world. I may not have the power to contorl the behavior and mindsets of those around me, but I do have the power, agency and choice to change myself. What I want you to know is that you do too. What are you willing to do in your own life? Will you at least allow yourself to think about these issues in relation to your life?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Missing you
I find it amazing how much we can miss someone. This is a topic that I don't always delve fully into because of all of the emotion that comes along with deeply missing someone. But lets test out the waters a bit.
Emotion plays such a large role in our lives, why don't we embrace it more? I work to talk about the little things in life through this blog and the underlying message behind most of it is to be connected and aware of the "little things" in life. But what does it mean to be connected or aware? I'm talking about letting yourself see, experience and react to them. This all plays on ethos-- emotion.
But I wonder if some of this comes back to the element of missing someone or something. To be connected with something also means that there is a chance of that thing, that connection to also no longer be there anymore. Anyone who has ever lost anything-- something truly cherished --never wants to experience those feelings again. Why do we get homesick? It is because we miss what we love, what we are connected with. That connection isn't there anymore, or at least not in the same way or with the same intensity that it once was. I think what we miss in live also shows us what we are (or perhaps no longer are) connected with.
People are they very obvious things to become connected with. We were created with a need for others. Can we carry on without people at all, yes, but it is not what we have chosen and that choice has reasons behind it.
So I lead myself into this: if we love with the kind of love I spoke of in my last entry, it is also that much easier to miss.
Missing is not a good feeling. Think of grief. think of how you feel if you've broken or lost a cherished possession. How long it takes to get a child to no longer suck their thumb, try taking a blanket away from someone who has slept with it their entire life. Music from those who spend more hours listening than they realize. The list goes on and on. And the thing about some of these things that we miss, is that it produces a kind of emotion that we are not used to and do not know how to react to. It is often the kind of emotion where we can't really put our finger quite on what it is that is bothering us. Chance are very good, though, that some sort of change has happened and the feeling involves missing.
A person is someone that we invest so much into. Time, money, tears, sweat, work, play, sleep, etc etc etc. With those who have truly touched and found a home in our heart, we give everything we have to them or for them. Now put distance between that person and you. It can be physical distance or it could simply be changes in schedules that makes it more difficult to spend the time you feel in love with having together. You miss them.
Missing someone has so many levels as well. Maybe what you find yourself missing is someone that truly hurt you. Not only do you miss the connection you had but you're also conflicted because of the presence of the scar from the hurt that happened. Or maybe it's the opposite, you lost someone you never expected you would lose. Missing someone will bring us to tears at the drop of a dime. Sometimes it slams into you an invisible brick wall. It takes you and shakes you until it feels like everything inside you has been flipped upside down and turned inside out. You don't just miss the person but you miss all of the pieces of their life that you are a part of. Something simple, like saying goodnight before bed. The look they have right before they give you a hug. Their smile. When you have someone who shares in your live with you, truly shares in it, when you miss them you also miss that part of your life where you get to share it with them. Truly sharing your life with someone is one of the most amazing life experiences.
Looking at the words that are laid out here, a lot of what we miss are the simple things. They say you don't know what you have until its gone, I think that this is because we don't look at the little things. The little things are the things that we end up missing in the end-- the fact that you can always call, the ability to give a hug, someone's smile and the sound of their voice. When they're gone, they leave a huge hole. This is what happens when we don't take them for all that their worth every time we're blessed with the chance to experience them. What, then, when we are taking the chance to notice them?
This is the challenge to all that I write here and all that I live by. By taking that time to notice, appreciate and fall in love with the little things, to be connected, we make ourselves vulnerable to missing them even more deeply than we first loved them. Why love, why notice, why connect when it can be taken away?
I have responses to these questions, but they are all rooted in the same thing. Loving, noticing, and connecting make it all worth it. I am willing to endure the worst in life if it means that I also get to love, notice, and connect. There is pain and discomfort in missing but love is greater than this. When you miss someone it is because of love. When you see this, you can let the love surround you again and fill in the holes that seem to have been left behind.
Now, for any of you Christians out there who perhaps might read this, consider this: God is love. We're talking true love here now, keep that in mind. Is there anything greater than Him? Is it worth loving to experience Him knowing that you might miss it later? And, more so, we miss because we no longer have. And what we no longer have is what we loved, or what has triggered a Godly feeling. When we love, we have gained a connection with God. We miss because our connection with God has changed. Finally, I have said that love is still greater than all else, which leads us to the reality that if we hang on to God while missing, He will remain with us and where He is, so is there love. We may miss greater than we knew was possible, but as long as we keep our hearts open to God, He will give us the love we need to fill the holes the missing has created.
What love have you been given today? I know what and whom mine is. And I am truly thankful that love is greater than it all.
Emotion plays such a large role in our lives, why don't we embrace it more? I work to talk about the little things in life through this blog and the underlying message behind most of it is to be connected and aware of the "little things" in life. But what does it mean to be connected or aware? I'm talking about letting yourself see, experience and react to them. This all plays on ethos-- emotion.
But I wonder if some of this comes back to the element of missing someone or something. To be connected with something also means that there is a chance of that thing, that connection to also no longer be there anymore. Anyone who has ever lost anything-- something truly cherished --never wants to experience those feelings again. Why do we get homesick? It is because we miss what we love, what we are connected with. That connection isn't there anymore, or at least not in the same way or with the same intensity that it once was. I think what we miss in live also shows us what we are (or perhaps no longer are) connected with.
People are they very obvious things to become connected with. We were created with a need for others. Can we carry on without people at all, yes, but it is not what we have chosen and that choice has reasons behind it.
So I lead myself into this: if we love with the kind of love I spoke of in my last entry, it is also that much easier to miss.
Missing is not a good feeling. Think of grief. think of how you feel if you've broken or lost a cherished possession. How long it takes to get a child to no longer suck their thumb, try taking a blanket away from someone who has slept with it their entire life. Music from those who spend more hours listening than they realize. The list goes on and on. And the thing about some of these things that we miss, is that it produces a kind of emotion that we are not used to and do not know how to react to. It is often the kind of emotion where we can't really put our finger quite on what it is that is bothering us. Chance are very good, though, that some sort of change has happened and the feeling involves missing.
A person is someone that we invest so much into. Time, money, tears, sweat, work, play, sleep, etc etc etc. With those who have truly touched and found a home in our heart, we give everything we have to them or for them. Now put distance between that person and you. It can be physical distance or it could simply be changes in schedules that makes it more difficult to spend the time you feel in love with having together. You miss them.
Missing someone has so many levels as well. Maybe what you find yourself missing is someone that truly hurt you. Not only do you miss the connection you had but you're also conflicted because of the presence of the scar from the hurt that happened. Or maybe it's the opposite, you lost someone you never expected you would lose. Missing someone will bring us to tears at the drop of a dime. Sometimes it slams into you an invisible brick wall. It takes you and shakes you until it feels like everything inside you has been flipped upside down and turned inside out. You don't just miss the person but you miss all of the pieces of their life that you are a part of. Something simple, like saying goodnight before bed. The look they have right before they give you a hug. Their smile. When you have someone who shares in your live with you, truly shares in it, when you miss them you also miss that part of your life where you get to share it with them. Truly sharing your life with someone is one of the most amazing life experiences.
Looking at the words that are laid out here, a lot of what we miss are the simple things. They say you don't know what you have until its gone, I think that this is because we don't look at the little things. The little things are the things that we end up missing in the end-- the fact that you can always call, the ability to give a hug, someone's smile and the sound of their voice. When they're gone, they leave a huge hole. This is what happens when we don't take them for all that their worth every time we're blessed with the chance to experience them. What, then, when we are taking the chance to notice them?
This is the challenge to all that I write here and all that I live by. By taking that time to notice, appreciate and fall in love with the little things, to be connected, we make ourselves vulnerable to missing them even more deeply than we first loved them. Why love, why notice, why connect when it can be taken away?
I have responses to these questions, but they are all rooted in the same thing. Loving, noticing, and connecting make it all worth it. I am willing to endure the worst in life if it means that I also get to love, notice, and connect. There is pain and discomfort in missing but love is greater than this. When you miss someone it is because of love. When you see this, you can let the love surround you again and fill in the holes that seem to have been left behind.
Now, for any of you Christians out there who perhaps might read this, consider this: God is love. We're talking true love here now, keep that in mind. Is there anything greater than Him? Is it worth loving to experience Him knowing that you might miss it later? And, more so, we miss because we no longer have. And what we no longer have is what we loved, or what has triggered a Godly feeling. When we love, we have gained a connection with God. We miss because our connection with God has changed. Finally, I have said that love is still greater than all else, which leads us to the reality that if we hang on to God while missing, He will remain with us and where He is, so is there love. We may miss greater than we knew was possible, but as long as we keep our hearts open to God, He will give us the love we need to fill the holes the missing has created.
What love have you been given today? I know what and whom mine is. And I am truly thankful that love is greater than it all.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Living with love
My friends, as I've promised, I am back and here to write some more!
I apologize that it has been so long since I have written. Some seriously serious stuff has been present in my life, but for which I am not unthankful. Instead, I see these elements and their presence in my life as tools helping me to see again what it is that I live for, what I desire in life, and simply how pure love can be.
This is where my thoughts are today, around love. I'm not talking love as in I'm madly in love with this guy and he's all I can think about... No, I'm talking pure and simple love. The love you give only to someone who deeply knows and is invested in the simple enhancement of your worth.
If you think about anyone who has ever truly been invested in who you are as a person, wanting to enhance who you are, let you be who you are, and learn every edge of what it means to be you, chances are very good that you are smiling with the sense and understanding of what real love is. What is sad, is it seems to be remarkably difficult to find someone who desires to allow you to be you and fully accepts every aspect of who that is. At times, its completely and utterly difficult to realize that this is seemingly so hard to come by-- particularly if you're finding yourself realizing that perhaps you don't have one of those people in your life right now. I know most of us have been in that boat...and it's not a pleasant one.
But I also have to say that the difficult is also what makes it so pure and simplistically awe-striking. The not having it forces you to become invested in yourself. It forces you to see who you are and to deal with the questions of why you are the way you are and whether or not it matters the way others may or may not perceive or understand you. It forces you to first love yourself. Or, perhaps it does the opposite. Currently researching mental health for an internship, I know all to well (via research and other outside experience) that it is quite easy to not believe in yourself or your worth. But again it comes back to love.
There is that day that you realize the unconditional love and true desire to know and be with you, all of you, every aspect of you, is present in such a way you never truly knew was possible. All of a sudden the world turns the other way and you feel emotion and security in a way you haven't before, at least not quite like this. Its why we love dating so much-- the other person is so truly curious and excited to meet and see and discover just who you are. And, further, they're loving every second of it. And there you are, presumably, enjoying every micro-moment of the discovery of who they are. There is a truly blissful desire in gaining who the other person is while opening yourself to allow them to see the real you. All of you. But again, I am not rooting this love in the aspects of our life we call dating, courtship, or even marriage. They are present so many other places. And yet these are the places that we see love the least.
There is something truly special and, I'd like to venture to say rare, about an intimate love without the elements of sex. Holding someone's hand without any further intent than to simply be close to that person. Showing affection and love with only the pursuit to share how much you care and enjoy their presence. Nothing more. Relational love can be like this too, or so I assume, but there is something different when it's simply two closest of friends.
What I ask, is how have we become a culture where showing the care and the love that we have for our friends is something to be ashamed of or to be hidden. Why do we hold back? There is fear of pain, I understand this deeply, but I still question what else holds us back. Pain is enough, I believe this, but there is more that goes into the pain. There is a built up leading to the pain. There are social ramifications which leads to the pain and, sometimes, is the pain all together. What has happened to the purity of our world? What has happened to the childlike nature to simply love and enjoy and be who it is we want to be, whatever that might be at any given moment. I work to live as if these elements have not left us. It's an upward battle, but why not love? Anyone who knows me, deeply knows me on the most surface level of being able to deeply know, can see and understand that I try to do as much as I possibly can through love. Not a sexual, I want to get in your pants kind of love, but a pure and simply investment and care for who you are. A desire to give you what you need to love and live life in a way that makes you feel amazingly wonderful.
Hold on to your love. Share your love. Live through love.
I apologize that it has been so long since I have written. Some seriously serious stuff has been present in my life, but for which I am not unthankful. Instead, I see these elements and their presence in my life as tools helping me to see again what it is that I live for, what I desire in life, and simply how pure love can be.
This is where my thoughts are today, around love. I'm not talking love as in I'm madly in love with this guy and he's all I can think about... No, I'm talking pure and simple love. The love you give only to someone who deeply knows and is invested in the simple enhancement of your worth.
If you think about anyone who has ever truly been invested in who you are as a person, wanting to enhance who you are, let you be who you are, and learn every edge of what it means to be you, chances are very good that you are smiling with the sense and understanding of what real love is. What is sad, is it seems to be remarkably difficult to find someone who desires to allow you to be you and fully accepts every aspect of who that is. At times, its completely and utterly difficult to realize that this is seemingly so hard to come by-- particularly if you're finding yourself realizing that perhaps you don't have one of those people in your life right now. I know most of us have been in that boat...and it's not a pleasant one.
But I also have to say that the difficult is also what makes it so pure and simplistically awe-striking. The not having it forces you to become invested in yourself. It forces you to see who you are and to deal with the questions of why you are the way you are and whether or not it matters the way others may or may not perceive or understand you. It forces you to first love yourself. Or, perhaps it does the opposite. Currently researching mental health for an internship, I know all to well (via research and other outside experience) that it is quite easy to not believe in yourself or your worth. But again it comes back to love.
There is that day that you realize the unconditional love and true desire to know and be with you, all of you, every aspect of you, is present in such a way you never truly knew was possible. All of a sudden the world turns the other way and you feel emotion and security in a way you haven't before, at least not quite like this. Its why we love dating so much-- the other person is so truly curious and excited to meet and see and discover just who you are. And, further, they're loving every second of it. And there you are, presumably, enjoying every micro-moment of the discovery of who they are. There is a truly blissful desire in gaining who the other person is while opening yourself to allow them to see the real you. All of you. But again, I am not rooting this love in the aspects of our life we call dating, courtship, or even marriage. They are present so many other places. And yet these are the places that we see love the least.
There is something truly special and, I'd like to venture to say rare, about an intimate love without the elements of sex. Holding someone's hand without any further intent than to simply be close to that person. Showing affection and love with only the pursuit to share how much you care and enjoy their presence. Nothing more. Relational love can be like this too, or so I assume, but there is something different when it's simply two closest of friends.
What I ask, is how have we become a culture where showing the care and the love that we have for our friends is something to be ashamed of or to be hidden. Why do we hold back? There is fear of pain, I understand this deeply, but I still question what else holds us back. Pain is enough, I believe this, but there is more that goes into the pain. There is a built up leading to the pain. There are social ramifications which leads to the pain and, sometimes, is the pain all together. What has happened to the purity of our world? What has happened to the childlike nature to simply love and enjoy and be who it is we want to be, whatever that might be at any given moment. I work to live as if these elements have not left us. It's an upward battle, but why not love? Anyone who knows me, deeply knows me on the most surface level of being able to deeply know, can see and understand that I try to do as much as I possibly can through love. Not a sexual, I want to get in your pants kind of love, but a pure and simply investment and care for who you are. A desire to give you what you need to love and live life in a way that makes you feel amazingly wonderful.
Hold on to your love. Share your love. Live through love.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
its been a while, but i'll be back again
life has been a bit crazy lately. things i can't write about publicly but many other thoughts which i can write about and very much want to. i've missed it. so no worries, writing again i will soon again do!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
How we live our life
I'm listening to Josh Ritter's Thin Blue Flame and I find myself asking and wondering about how we live our life.
He very clearly takes the concept and the elements he sees in life and allows them to surround him, consume him. And then pours them out into song-- after thoroughly shaken, not stirred.
You see, it is that thoroughly shaken portion that means so much. It is one thing experience life around you, wow, the sky looks amazing tonight, but it is something completely different to allow yourself to be shaken inside, from the roots, by what it is you are experiencing.
Think about the things in life, the moments you have lived where you felt as though your world was truly shaken. So many of those things are the trials and the unbelievable becoming believable only because they happened a little too close to home. But what happens when we let the majority of our experiences in life to shake us?
I would like to push it a bit further and say that I believe that they do shake us-- all things that we truly experience. But we experience so much at once. We more often than not do not slow ourselves enough so that we can reflect upon and come to see and understand what each element is, embracing it. Sometimes we do, but frequently it becomes clouded by all of the other elements of life around us.
Which leads to the question, how do we experience each element when there are so many flying at us all at once?
Sometimes we can't. Sometimes we have to just sit back and take it all in. Sometimes we actually have to speed it up to a point of exhilaration. But in the end, it is all there within us, a part of us. It is there for our experiencing, it is a matter of asking to what degree do we choose to experience it?
I think of the pure simplicity of a hug-- something I am truly fond of, especially when shared with someone I care deeply about --and the varying elements present within it. We're open in those few moments, vulnerable and excepting. Sometimes it has a mystifyingly powerful healing ability to it; have you ever experienced that, where all the hurt, the worry, the anxiety, the stress, even the tears suddenly slide away-- you can't quite explain why but all of a sudden everything feels soo much better than you knew it could within that moment? Even more, do you see, do you take in the experience when you have done that for someone else? Have you allowed yourself to feel and see the gift you just gave another?
So often we have no idea how much of an impact we have on the world around us. We have little insight into the depths of how much we have changed, truly changed, the lives of not just one but each and every individual around us. And yet, we can see, even if just in hindsight, how powerfully the people around us have influenced us. I find it interesting how we're still somewhat oblivious to the role we have in others.
Maybe it's a part of our culture. Maybe its not. But I know that it's more than just maybe a part of my life. I need to make sure that I am aware of how I impact the people in my life just as I find a need to be aware of, to take note of, and to (in my instance) write about the way the world and all that are and is in it affect my life.
Let it affect you.
Let yourself experience what you usually gloss over.
Let yourself love to live what used to be unlived.
"I became a thin blue flame..."
He very clearly takes the concept and the elements he sees in life and allows them to surround him, consume him. And then pours them out into song-- after thoroughly shaken, not stirred.
You see, it is that thoroughly shaken portion that means so much. It is one thing experience life around you, wow, the sky looks amazing tonight, but it is something completely different to allow yourself to be shaken inside, from the roots, by what it is you are experiencing.
Think about the things in life, the moments you have lived where you felt as though your world was truly shaken. So many of those things are the trials and the unbelievable becoming believable only because they happened a little too close to home. But what happens when we let the majority of our experiences in life to shake us?
I would like to push it a bit further and say that I believe that they do shake us-- all things that we truly experience. But we experience so much at once. We more often than not do not slow ourselves enough so that we can reflect upon and come to see and understand what each element is, embracing it. Sometimes we do, but frequently it becomes clouded by all of the other elements of life around us.
Which leads to the question, how do we experience each element when there are so many flying at us all at once?
Sometimes we can't. Sometimes we have to just sit back and take it all in. Sometimes we actually have to speed it up to a point of exhilaration. But in the end, it is all there within us, a part of us. It is there for our experiencing, it is a matter of asking to what degree do we choose to experience it?
I think of the pure simplicity of a hug-- something I am truly fond of, especially when shared with someone I care deeply about --and the varying elements present within it. We're open in those few moments, vulnerable and excepting. Sometimes it has a mystifyingly powerful healing ability to it; have you ever experienced that, where all the hurt, the worry, the anxiety, the stress, even the tears suddenly slide away-- you can't quite explain why but all of a sudden everything feels soo much better than you knew it could within that moment? Even more, do you see, do you take in the experience when you have done that for someone else? Have you allowed yourself to feel and see the gift you just gave another?
So often we have no idea how much of an impact we have on the world around us. We have little insight into the depths of how much we have changed, truly changed, the lives of not just one but each and every individual around us. And yet, we can see, even if just in hindsight, how powerfully the people around us have influenced us. I find it interesting how we're still somewhat oblivious to the role we have in others.
Maybe it's a part of our culture. Maybe its not. But I know that it's more than just maybe a part of my life. I need to make sure that I am aware of how I impact the people in my life just as I find a need to be aware of, to take note of, and to (in my instance) write about the way the world and all that are and is in it affect my life.
Let it affect you.
Let yourself experience what you usually gloss over.
Let yourself love to live what used to be unlived.
"I became a thin blue flame..."
Monday, May 10, 2010
"I get by with a little help from my friends"
(^good song:)
There is a pure simplicity about the truly complex and intimate way friendship can make your world right again.
As alluded to in recent posts, I have had a lot on my mind recently. Anytime something large goes on in my life, whatever that situation might be, I find myself viewing the world through a new lens. This is where I am now. I see things differently. I, again, find that the run-of-the-mill every day things suddenly remind me of the intense reality of the frightening aspects of our world-- the chaos. The things we block. The things that are seen as run-of-the-mill, every day things because in many instances, we have no other way to deal with them other than to have them presented in a "everything is okay" manner. It's how movies are. Tv. Books, you name it, it's there. And this is all an okay thing.
But anytime I'm in a portion of my life such as this, I need friendship. True companionship. It is where being alone is often the greatest struggle. I have been there many times. One year ago, I was in this new place, working a new job, with nothing but new around me. It sucked. I'm rather happy here now, I can say that for sure. But I can also say that moving into summer and with a great change in my regular schedule, which comes with summer, I find myself again hoping for a different sense of stability this year.
This leads me into the concept of how we are stubbornly independent in who we are and yet how we also have a deep need for others. I find this oxymoron rather interesting. I always have and I'm assuming that I always will.
At any rate, when my schedule changes and/or I am finding myself taking on new perspectives while viewing the world, I also find myself in a funk-- simply put. Which makes complete sense, when you are not doing nor seeing as you normally see or do, of course everything will feed quite weird.
But friends, oooh my friends, when they are near, even when they are "new", and the care runs deep, the funk slips to the wayside. At least as much as it can considering. Music must be listened to. Without which, well I don't know what the world is like without which. And it is important to recognize the vast variety of music-- the kind you listen to, the kind you produce, the kind you write, the unexpected, but also the musical beauty of all of our sense-- taste. Touch. Smell. Sight. It is important to recognize the music in each of these elements. And, dumbfoundingly awe-striking, in its true rarity, we must stop and enjoy, record, the moments where music drums its way across all of our sense at once.
It is also important, above all else, to still trust and hold tight to the deep understanding that the world is good and deep within, everything is or always will be alright.
Ephesians 6:10-18
This is what friends can, have, and indeed do do for me. Surely we can pass through the world without them, but why do so when we have the opportunity for the opposite? This is why I am the friend that I am to others. I do not let go. I do not stop loving. I do not stop thinking about and praying for those I care for. Once you have a place near and dear to my heart, you will remain there for a great deal of time-- many much much longer than they may ever guess. If you have truly touched my life, I will go to greatest of great lengths to be there for you. And if you hurt me..the sorrow I experience is far deeper than many, if any, know.
I am forever thankful for the people who mean the most in my life.
There is a pure simplicity about the truly complex and intimate way friendship can make your world right again.
As alluded to in recent posts, I have had a lot on my mind recently. Anytime something large goes on in my life, whatever that situation might be, I find myself viewing the world through a new lens. This is where I am now. I see things differently. I, again, find that the run-of-the-mill every day things suddenly remind me of the intense reality of the frightening aspects of our world-- the chaos. The things we block. The things that are seen as run-of-the-mill, every day things because in many instances, we have no other way to deal with them other than to have them presented in a "everything is okay" manner. It's how movies are. Tv. Books, you name it, it's there. And this is all an okay thing.
But anytime I'm in a portion of my life such as this, I need friendship. True companionship. It is where being alone is often the greatest struggle. I have been there many times. One year ago, I was in this new place, working a new job, with nothing but new around me. It sucked. I'm rather happy here now, I can say that for sure. But I can also say that moving into summer and with a great change in my regular schedule, which comes with summer, I find myself again hoping for a different sense of stability this year.
This leads me into the concept of how we are stubbornly independent in who we are and yet how we also have a deep need for others. I find this oxymoron rather interesting. I always have and I'm assuming that I always will.
At any rate, when my schedule changes and/or I am finding myself taking on new perspectives while viewing the world, I also find myself in a funk-- simply put. Which makes complete sense, when you are not doing nor seeing as you normally see or do, of course everything will feed quite weird.
But friends, oooh my friends, when they are near, even when they are "new", and the care runs deep, the funk slips to the wayside. At least as much as it can considering. Music must be listened to. Without which, well I don't know what the world is like without which. And it is important to recognize the vast variety of music-- the kind you listen to, the kind you produce, the kind you write, the unexpected, but also the musical beauty of all of our sense-- taste. Touch. Smell. Sight. It is important to recognize the music in each of these elements. And, dumbfoundingly awe-striking, in its true rarity, we must stop and enjoy, record, the moments where music drums its way across all of our sense at once.
It is also important, above all else, to still trust and hold tight to the deep understanding that the world is good and deep within, everything is or always will be alright.
Ephesians 6:10-18
This is what friends can, have, and indeed do do for me. Surely we can pass through the world without them, but why do so when we have the opportunity for the opposite? This is why I am the friend that I am to others. I do not let go. I do not stop loving. I do not stop thinking about and praying for those I care for. Once you have a place near and dear to my heart, you will remain there for a great deal of time-- many much much longer than they may ever guess. If you have truly touched my life, I will go to greatest of great lengths to be there for you. And if you hurt me..the sorrow I experience is far deeper than many, if any, know.
I am forever thankful for the people who mean the most in my life.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Something big is waiting to surface...
Sometimes there are times where we are presented with an inward pull towards something "far greater than building an entire city". God has been doing amazing works within me. He is calling me to work for Him in doing something grand on this campus.
And like most instances where we can feel that we are about to embark on something of grand scale, I also have a sense of overwhelming uncertainty. I find it amazing how we question ourselves when we are about to embark on something which will call us to take deep portions of who we are and ask of others things that we may be denied. To ask big things-- to ask for a campus to change the only way it seems to know how to function. To stand up, as someone new, and say that this is not okay. To ask that others join in on your initiative and to gain buy-in on a new movement. To represent something, to be a leader, to recognize and point out what we readily choose not to see. This will be me. This is now me.
'Ask, are the things that you are concerned with the concerns of God.'
Yes.
I can see that there has been a vast series of life events which I have experienced and am still experiencing now which has lead and prepared me for this journey that I am about to embark upon.
I sent one email asking if I could work with the person I was emailing to do an internship. Just one.
I had one meeting and shared pieces of how I am, 20 minutes later I was offered not only an internship but a GSA position. But I know the GSA position is not where I am being pulled. I am being pulled in a direction where I will lead others and change the mindsets of others, where I will create and initiate movements across our campus.
God is calling me to reach out and touch the hearts of the people who encounter our community. He has done many things, introduced me to particular people, had me experience specific situations to help me gain an understanding and lay a foundation-- a solid platform --to push off of as I leap into the currently unknown.
Sometimes we have to blindly trust what lies ahead of us. Sometimes we have to keep on fighting against all forms of resistance even we are still discovering exactly which direction we are heading in. I can feel it all building, bubbling, boiling. It will happen fast. I'm eager to see what I can do in a short period of time. I am opening my mind set up for the feelings and experiences I had as I decided upon Not Where We Live back in Milwaukee, and I am getting ready to feel completely and utterly overwhelmed-- I can see the pit in front of me.
I am curious to see what becomes of what I feel is in store for us.
And like most instances where we can feel that we are about to embark on something of grand scale, I also have a sense of overwhelming uncertainty. I find it amazing how we question ourselves when we are about to embark on something which will call us to take deep portions of who we are and ask of others things that we may be denied. To ask big things-- to ask for a campus to change the only way it seems to know how to function. To stand up, as someone new, and say that this is not okay. To ask that others join in on your initiative and to gain buy-in on a new movement. To represent something, to be a leader, to recognize and point out what we readily choose not to see. This will be me. This is now me.
'Ask, are the things that you are concerned with the concerns of God.'
Yes.
I can see that there has been a vast series of life events which I have experienced and am still experiencing now which has lead and prepared me for this journey that I am about to embark upon.
I sent one email asking if I could work with the person I was emailing to do an internship. Just one.
I had one meeting and shared pieces of how I am, 20 minutes later I was offered not only an internship but a GSA position. But I know the GSA position is not where I am being pulled. I am being pulled in a direction where I will lead others and change the mindsets of others, where I will create and initiate movements across our campus.
God is calling me to reach out and touch the hearts of the people who encounter our community. He has done many things, introduced me to particular people, had me experience specific situations to help me gain an understanding and lay a foundation-- a solid platform --to push off of as I leap into the currently unknown.
Sometimes we have to blindly trust what lies ahead of us. Sometimes we have to keep on fighting against all forms of resistance even we are still discovering exactly which direction we are heading in. I can feel it all building, bubbling, boiling. It will happen fast. I'm eager to see what I can do in a short period of time. I am opening my mind set up for the feelings and experiences I had as I decided upon Not Where We Live back in Milwaukee, and I am getting ready to feel completely and utterly overwhelmed-- I can see the pit in front of me.
I am curious to see what becomes of what I feel is in store for us.
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