God never fails to impress me. The number of prayers we throw up into the air-- sometimes it becomes so easy or second nature that our heart isn't purely into it anymore. I work hard to make sure that I at least notice when I fall into this trap. I know people who say prayers that they've learned and have recited since they were young children, yet when they say them, each and every time, I can feel that they are calling God into them and truly praying in a very intimate and raw way. It may sound crazy, but I can physically (or I guess it would be spiritually) feel the presence of God almost as if He's turned His head towards us and can feel us speaking from our heart-- not just reciting words.
I have always struggled with reciting prayers that are memorized. It is easy to say them just because it is what we do or feel we 'should' do, or even simply because of habit. I have recently been refreshed, though, that this is not necessarily the case for every individual.
I think about this when I am with families who say grace before they eat (something which I greatly appreciate) and when I am at my church back in my home town and we say the Lord's prayer. It is easy to simply say the words but why say them if you aren't truly asking (both of God and of yourself) for them to be a reality? I push myself to put true meaning and desire behind what I pray-- regardless of if it is...'freestyle' or 'rehearsed' (for lack of a more clear way to say what I mean here).
Our Father who art in heaven...
I am calling God father-- daddy. How intimate is that? What does it mean to call Him father? What meaning do I choose (and I love that it is a choice of mine) to put behind that?
And He is in heaven, wow. I have images of what heaven might be like from the book of revelations and from various spiritual experiences that I've had, but truly the concept of heaven is mind blowing. Even simply the idea of not having the weight of worry or stress or general daily need. Ever. The idea of every joyful feeling or experience I have ever had filling me constantly without tire. *shakes head* it is dumbfounding. I can't even begin to imagine what heaven will be like. Or, for that matter, what it will be like to see God face-to-face.
Hallowed be thy name...
How holy You are, Lord. I have no words to express. Religion and spirituality is such a personally intimate thing. Relationship. Experience. Core to my existence. To see prayers answered quite literally right before my own eyes. To feel Your voice fill me when I am scared, uncertain or simply need You. To feel Your comfort when I have felt as thought I cannot go on. I don't know what holy means without You. When I think of Your name I am reminded that I am safe with You.
Thy kingdom come...
I can't wait until Your kingdom comes. I have fear, because I have read of what will come before Your presence is here on earth again and before our world comes to an end. And I have witnessed what it is like to experience some of the things You have promised will come before Your kingdom comes. But I hold faith and remain sound knowing that You have chosen us to be a part of Your kingdom. I know that regardless of the vast number of 666 stories that I continue, yes continue, to gain between now and then will be worthwhile.
Thy will be done...
I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like when Your will, and only Your will is done. When the chaos of this world leaves and there is nothing but that which is of You.
On earth as it is in heaven...
And what's better is that You will give us these things on earth. You already do now, in pieces. I have already written here about this, about Your presence in our world throughout the chaos and the greatness, the passion, we have because of Your presence here. What a world it would be without You..
Give us this day our daily bread...
I think of each thing we need on a daily basis to sustain life. My medical issues have reminded me of this oh so clearly-- even the simplicity of needing air and the capability to breath. There are a pluthra of elements which we need in order to physiologically make it through our day. But there is so much more than that; we have emotional, psychological needs, and the list goes on and on. Food does sustain us, but the bread is also representative of the body of Christ. I've lived for a while on this earth without Christ and... well it wasn't good. I have written enough about chaos and evil and the trials that are present in this world. I know what it is like to live only in the presence of these elements. I can't do it without Christ as well. It is a need I have in order to have life (and you can take life on every or any level you wish). I feel I should also share that I know what it is like to be very close to those who don't...I want to be careful how I chose my words...have this same perception of need for Christ. And I have to respect that it is THEIR CHOICE in this. I know what I believe, and I can share (and will share) what I believe, but I will also share that it is NOT my choice to make these beliefs others as well. They have to choose. I have a role, I believe this, but sometimes I have to except that my role is simply to be me and allow others to see and experience who I am. And all the while I have to let them deal with that and come unto that on their own. I can be me. But I cannot, and do not want to make choices for someone else as to what they do or not believe. I can ask that God would give us our daily bread, though.
And forgive us our trespasses...
Yes, please please please forgive me for my trespasses. I desire to ask what I may not realize I have done which might qualify as a 'trespass'. And I am thankful that I have the ability to interpret for myself what a trespass might entail. Choice. I love that choice is such a central element to religion and spirituality. But I have to choose to see what I have done that I do not want to do again. I have to choose to reflect and decide if I need (personally want) to do something in response to one of my trespasses. God doesn't have to forgive me. It is a transaction. I choose how we go about it.
As we forgive those who trespass against us..
It is not just a request that God forgive those who we think may have trespassed against us, not in the slightest. We may request that someone else be forgiven of something, but we must also start within ourselves and ask if we have forgiven them. I have been through some pretty misrible things in life, but I have done everything I can to come to terms with each and every situation so that I might forgive them. Forgiveness is not simply something that you think and decide upon and still hold negative thoughts about them. Forgiveness is so much deeper than this. It includes understanding who they are, where they might be coming from and the context of the situation. I must do what I can to see through their eyes to the best of my ability, and come to learn how to forgive them what they have done, recognizing that it is or was their choice (presumably) and allow it to fall away-- regardless of if I do or do not agree with what it is that they have done. I must find 'what it is that they are telling me about God', as I like to ask myself. It is a matter of coming to a point where I can understand the fullness of the situation as much as I possibly can and then continue to look beyond the situation at what else is within or a part of the person at hand. What more is there to this person than this 'trespass'? I can ask God to forgive, but I must also forgive in my own way.
And lead us not into temptation..
We have so much temptation in life. And, sadly, it only become easier and easier to access and/or follow through with. It can even be as simple as which words we allow to come out of our mouth, what we allow ourselves to get from the music, the tv, the internet, and so on that we take in. What do you do with all that is around you? Remember to stop and take a look at your habits every now and again and ask yourself what you are okay with, knowing that it (in all reality) a deep part of you. Knowing that it does indeed have an affect and influence on others. For me, these words also mean a request to help me to see what my temptations are and how they are relating me to or pulling me away from God.
But deliver us from evil.
Chaos. It surrounds us. Think of the number of people (even just the people that you know and see regularly) who would not be here if it would not be for the ways that they have been delivered from evil. For me, I have been delivered from evil from God. In some instances, it may be directly. In other instances it has been through the work of someone else who is embodying God. In still other instances, it has been God embodied in me that I have been able to deliver others from evil. I mean this with wholehearted sincerity and a very real reality. I have (several) stories of lives that I have saved through God working within me. And I mean the word 'saved' not just in the idea of 'saved-- came to believe in Christ', but literally they would have been dead as in not breathing, heart not pumping. Ask me and I will share some of my stories with you.
When I pray I push myself to think about these elements. When I hear others pray, I hope with all that I have that they think about at least some of these things at least some of the time that they are praying-- we all have to start somewhere.
Praying is not simply something where you say words and ask God to do things for you or share things with Him hoping that He can help. Prayer means opening up your heart to the most vulnerable place and asking Him to take care of you-- even when you don't want to be taken care of. It is acknowledging who He is and reaffirming your belief in His reality each and every time you pray. But beyond that, it is also looking into yourself and seeing what role you play and all of this as well. Our world is not some mass puppet show where there's this big ol' God with white skin and dark hair, a beard and sandals, moving us around, dictating our every move and already decided upon our future. Far from it. He has managed to make us in this complex and mystifying way so that He is there and capable of ANYTHING and yet we get to choose what we want with our life.
God is there regardless. Period. He has given us a choice in life, we get to choose if we believe in Him or not, but He is NOT going to make the decision for us even though he could. We get to choose if we want to live our life recognizing His power and presence in the world or not. It's plain and simple like that.
But what gets complicated is what happens beyond that. I choose to believe that He is real and I continually chose to try to recognize Him in my everyday life. And I have to choose it regularly, because it is easy to not choose to see it. Or, to not let yourself recognize it. But when I let myself, and when I slow myself and see God all around me....it is more than I, the one who has so many words to write out, have words for.
Prayer is like that too. We can choose to pray, but we can also choose if we want to be a part of what we are praying about or for. I choose if I want to just pray for a friend who needs support or if I pray for them and also ask what it is that I can do to be of support. And I choose if I act upon what I see as options for how I might help to give someone what they need. Or, what I need.
I pray continually but I have to remember to also actively look for how I might find what I need or even if what I think I need is really what I need.
It is a process of relaxing into the world, relaxing into what is God around you and within you and seeing the world from that perspective, in addition to the perspective you had prior to relaxing into this new perspective.
I am regularly amazed at of the things of God that are around me. That are around us all.
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