There's a bible verse that I'm thinking of which relates to this (about not worrying but enjoying food and drink and being merry in the life of our Lord), but that came to me now rather than when I originally began this post in my head before I had the chance to sit down and leave it here.
I want to live my life in a way so that I feel like I am truly enjoying it.
Period.
This is such an easy statement to tell yourself. Oh, I enjoy life!
No, really, do you?
(P.S. I have realized since moving to North Dakota that adding "no" at the beginning of a sentence is a Wisconsin thing-- who know?!)
I don't want to become someone who can only see my struggles.
I don't want to become someone who shuts down because of the stress that I'm under.
I don't want to become someone who sits passively in a class, meeting, the elements which fill our day and make up our life and allow it to pass by me.
I don't want to live my life worrying.
I don't want to live my life unspoken.
And I don't want to live my live overspoken.
I want to be able to ask myself: "Why am I here, why am I doing what I'm doing?" And in the end I want to be okay with what it is I find myself doing at any given moment.
I want to take in the moments around me, to feel, in this particular instance, the tiredness below my eyes, through my neck and shoulders, the stomach ache which is the flu (I think?) working its way out of my system, a slight headache, the train blowing its whistle outside my window, my dear guitar calling my name, the comfort of my bed below me and how much I love jeans that fit just the way I like them to.
I want to live in a way so that if I do find myself walking into a room saying to myself, 'I don't really want to be here', that I allow the feeling to flow over me and then release it. I want to let myself relax in those settings and allow myself to be opened up to what ever might unfold before me.
I want to recognize when I am letting someone else help me to do anything other than what I have listed here.
When I'm in a moment, I want to experience it. I want to let everything else fall away. Things like death, tragedy and trial teach you these things. I want to thank God for giving me and then guiding me through those things so that I am now sitting here, pouring out just how much I want to enjoy what I have. Because we have so much with this life that we have been given.
I want to live it.
Lets live it.
Will you come now and live it with me?
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