I'm listening to Josh Ritter's Thin Blue Flame and I find myself asking and wondering about how we live our life.
He very clearly takes the concept and the elements he sees in life and allows them to surround him, consume him. And then pours them out into song-- after thoroughly shaken, not stirred.
You see, it is that thoroughly shaken portion that means so much. It is one thing experience life around you, wow, the sky looks amazing tonight, but it is something completely different to allow yourself to be shaken inside, from the roots, by what it is you are experiencing.
Think about the things in life, the moments you have lived where you felt as though your world was truly shaken. So many of those things are the trials and the unbelievable becoming believable only because they happened a little too close to home. But what happens when we let the majority of our experiences in life to shake us?
I would like to push it a bit further and say that I believe that they do shake us-- all things that we truly experience. But we experience so much at once. We more often than not do not slow ourselves enough so that we can reflect upon and come to see and understand what each element is, embracing it. Sometimes we do, but frequently it becomes clouded by all of the other elements of life around us.
Which leads to the question, how do we experience each element when there are so many flying at us all at once?
Sometimes we can't. Sometimes we have to just sit back and take it all in. Sometimes we actually have to speed it up to a point of exhilaration. But in the end, it is all there within us, a part of us. It is there for our experiencing, it is a matter of asking to what degree do we choose to experience it?
I think of the pure simplicity of a hug-- something I am truly fond of, especially when shared with someone I care deeply about --and the varying elements present within it. We're open in those few moments, vulnerable and excepting. Sometimes it has a mystifyingly powerful healing ability to it; have you ever experienced that, where all the hurt, the worry, the anxiety, the stress, even the tears suddenly slide away-- you can't quite explain why but all of a sudden everything feels soo much better than you knew it could within that moment? Even more, do you see, do you take in the experience when you have done that for someone else? Have you allowed yourself to feel and see the gift you just gave another?
So often we have no idea how much of an impact we have on the world around us. We have little insight into the depths of how much we have changed, truly changed, the lives of not just one but each and every individual around us. And yet, we can see, even if just in hindsight, how powerfully the people around us have influenced us. I find it interesting how we're still somewhat oblivious to the role we have in others.
Maybe it's a part of our culture. Maybe its not. But I know that it's more than just maybe a part of my life. I need to make sure that I am aware of how I impact the people in my life just as I find a need to be aware of, to take note of, and to (in my instance) write about the way the world and all that are and is in it affect my life.
Let it affect you.
Let yourself experience what you usually gloss over.
Let yourself love to live what used to be unlived.
"I became a thin blue flame..."
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
"I get by with a little help from my friends"
(^good song:)
There is a pure simplicity about the truly complex and intimate way friendship can make your world right again.
As alluded to in recent posts, I have had a lot on my mind recently. Anytime something large goes on in my life, whatever that situation might be, I find myself viewing the world through a new lens. This is where I am now. I see things differently. I, again, find that the run-of-the-mill every day things suddenly remind me of the intense reality of the frightening aspects of our world-- the chaos. The things we block. The things that are seen as run-of-the-mill, every day things because in many instances, we have no other way to deal with them other than to have them presented in a "everything is okay" manner. It's how movies are. Tv. Books, you name it, it's there. And this is all an okay thing.
But anytime I'm in a portion of my life such as this, I need friendship. True companionship. It is where being alone is often the greatest struggle. I have been there many times. One year ago, I was in this new place, working a new job, with nothing but new around me. It sucked. I'm rather happy here now, I can say that for sure. But I can also say that moving into summer and with a great change in my regular schedule, which comes with summer, I find myself again hoping for a different sense of stability this year.
This leads me into the concept of how we are stubbornly independent in who we are and yet how we also have a deep need for others. I find this oxymoron rather interesting. I always have and I'm assuming that I always will.
At any rate, when my schedule changes and/or I am finding myself taking on new perspectives while viewing the world, I also find myself in a funk-- simply put. Which makes complete sense, when you are not doing nor seeing as you normally see or do, of course everything will feed quite weird.
But friends, oooh my friends, when they are near, even when they are "new", and the care runs deep, the funk slips to the wayside. At least as much as it can considering. Music must be listened to. Without which, well I don't know what the world is like without which. And it is important to recognize the vast variety of music-- the kind you listen to, the kind you produce, the kind you write, the unexpected, but also the musical beauty of all of our sense-- taste. Touch. Smell. Sight. It is important to recognize the music in each of these elements. And, dumbfoundingly awe-striking, in its true rarity, we must stop and enjoy, record, the moments where music drums its way across all of our sense at once.
It is also important, above all else, to still trust and hold tight to the deep understanding that the world is good and deep within, everything is or always will be alright.
Ephesians 6:10-18
This is what friends can, have, and indeed do do for me. Surely we can pass through the world without them, but why do so when we have the opportunity for the opposite? This is why I am the friend that I am to others. I do not let go. I do not stop loving. I do not stop thinking about and praying for those I care for. Once you have a place near and dear to my heart, you will remain there for a great deal of time-- many much much longer than they may ever guess. If you have truly touched my life, I will go to greatest of great lengths to be there for you. And if you hurt me..the sorrow I experience is far deeper than many, if any, know.
I am forever thankful for the people who mean the most in my life.
There is a pure simplicity about the truly complex and intimate way friendship can make your world right again.
As alluded to in recent posts, I have had a lot on my mind recently. Anytime something large goes on in my life, whatever that situation might be, I find myself viewing the world through a new lens. This is where I am now. I see things differently. I, again, find that the run-of-the-mill every day things suddenly remind me of the intense reality of the frightening aspects of our world-- the chaos. The things we block. The things that are seen as run-of-the-mill, every day things because in many instances, we have no other way to deal with them other than to have them presented in a "everything is okay" manner. It's how movies are. Tv. Books, you name it, it's there. And this is all an okay thing.
But anytime I'm in a portion of my life such as this, I need friendship. True companionship. It is where being alone is often the greatest struggle. I have been there many times. One year ago, I was in this new place, working a new job, with nothing but new around me. It sucked. I'm rather happy here now, I can say that for sure. But I can also say that moving into summer and with a great change in my regular schedule, which comes with summer, I find myself again hoping for a different sense of stability this year.
This leads me into the concept of how we are stubbornly independent in who we are and yet how we also have a deep need for others. I find this oxymoron rather interesting. I always have and I'm assuming that I always will.
At any rate, when my schedule changes and/or I am finding myself taking on new perspectives while viewing the world, I also find myself in a funk-- simply put. Which makes complete sense, when you are not doing nor seeing as you normally see or do, of course everything will feed quite weird.
But friends, oooh my friends, when they are near, even when they are "new", and the care runs deep, the funk slips to the wayside. At least as much as it can considering. Music must be listened to. Without which, well I don't know what the world is like without which. And it is important to recognize the vast variety of music-- the kind you listen to, the kind you produce, the kind you write, the unexpected, but also the musical beauty of all of our sense-- taste. Touch. Smell. Sight. It is important to recognize the music in each of these elements. And, dumbfoundingly awe-striking, in its true rarity, we must stop and enjoy, record, the moments where music drums its way across all of our sense at once.
It is also important, above all else, to still trust and hold tight to the deep understanding that the world is good and deep within, everything is or always will be alright.
Ephesians 6:10-18
This is what friends can, have, and indeed do do for me. Surely we can pass through the world without them, but why do so when we have the opportunity for the opposite? This is why I am the friend that I am to others. I do not let go. I do not stop loving. I do not stop thinking about and praying for those I care for. Once you have a place near and dear to my heart, you will remain there for a great deal of time-- many much much longer than they may ever guess. If you have truly touched my life, I will go to greatest of great lengths to be there for you. And if you hurt me..the sorrow I experience is far deeper than many, if any, know.
I am forever thankful for the people who mean the most in my life.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Something big is waiting to surface...
Sometimes there are times where we are presented with an inward pull towards something "far greater than building an entire city". God has been doing amazing works within me. He is calling me to work for Him in doing something grand on this campus.
And like most instances where we can feel that we are about to embark on something of grand scale, I also have a sense of overwhelming uncertainty. I find it amazing how we question ourselves when we are about to embark on something which will call us to take deep portions of who we are and ask of others things that we may be denied. To ask big things-- to ask for a campus to change the only way it seems to know how to function. To stand up, as someone new, and say that this is not okay. To ask that others join in on your initiative and to gain buy-in on a new movement. To represent something, to be a leader, to recognize and point out what we readily choose not to see. This will be me. This is now me.
'Ask, are the things that you are concerned with the concerns of God.'
Yes.
I can see that there has been a vast series of life events which I have experienced and am still experiencing now which has lead and prepared me for this journey that I am about to embark upon.
I sent one email asking if I could work with the person I was emailing to do an internship. Just one.
I had one meeting and shared pieces of how I am, 20 minutes later I was offered not only an internship but a GSA position. But I know the GSA position is not where I am being pulled. I am being pulled in a direction where I will lead others and change the mindsets of others, where I will create and initiate movements across our campus.
God is calling me to reach out and touch the hearts of the people who encounter our community. He has done many things, introduced me to particular people, had me experience specific situations to help me gain an understanding and lay a foundation-- a solid platform --to push off of as I leap into the currently unknown.
Sometimes we have to blindly trust what lies ahead of us. Sometimes we have to keep on fighting against all forms of resistance even we are still discovering exactly which direction we are heading in. I can feel it all building, bubbling, boiling. It will happen fast. I'm eager to see what I can do in a short period of time. I am opening my mind set up for the feelings and experiences I had as I decided upon Not Where We Live back in Milwaukee, and I am getting ready to feel completely and utterly overwhelmed-- I can see the pit in front of me.
I am curious to see what becomes of what I feel is in store for us.
And like most instances where we can feel that we are about to embark on something of grand scale, I also have a sense of overwhelming uncertainty. I find it amazing how we question ourselves when we are about to embark on something which will call us to take deep portions of who we are and ask of others things that we may be denied. To ask big things-- to ask for a campus to change the only way it seems to know how to function. To stand up, as someone new, and say that this is not okay. To ask that others join in on your initiative and to gain buy-in on a new movement. To represent something, to be a leader, to recognize and point out what we readily choose not to see. This will be me. This is now me.
'Ask, are the things that you are concerned with the concerns of God.'
Yes.
I can see that there has been a vast series of life events which I have experienced and am still experiencing now which has lead and prepared me for this journey that I am about to embark upon.
I sent one email asking if I could work with the person I was emailing to do an internship. Just one.
I had one meeting and shared pieces of how I am, 20 minutes later I was offered not only an internship but a GSA position. But I know the GSA position is not where I am being pulled. I am being pulled in a direction where I will lead others and change the mindsets of others, where I will create and initiate movements across our campus.
God is calling me to reach out and touch the hearts of the people who encounter our community. He has done many things, introduced me to particular people, had me experience specific situations to help me gain an understanding and lay a foundation-- a solid platform --to push off of as I leap into the currently unknown.
Sometimes we have to blindly trust what lies ahead of us. Sometimes we have to keep on fighting against all forms of resistance even we are still discovering exactly which direction we are heading in. I can feel it all building, bubbling, boiling. It will happen fast. I'm eager to see what I can do in a short period of time. I am opening my mind set up for the feelings and experiences I had as I decided upon Not Where We Live back in Milwaukee, and I am getting ready to feel completely and utterly overwhelmed-- I can see the pit in front of me.
I am curious to see what becomes of what I feel is in store for us.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Sometimes the realities of life will grab you by the heart and shake you until you're dizzy and feel like you can't stand anymore.
It helps you to redefine who you are, what you believe, and how you wish to live.
What I know is that my faith in God runs deeper than my blood.
What I know is that I will do anything for a friend in need. Anything.
What I know is that there is little that feels better than knowing you've given comfort to someone when they need it most.
What I know is that I have friends who care enough to stick around even when life has sucked me into a black hole.
What I know is that I have a strong desire to articulate how I feel.
What I know is that I have an even stronger desire to have God speak through me.
And what I know is that the stories we hear in life but reflexively think will never happen to us are very very true.
What I know is that we are stronger than we realize. Too often in life we find that we can persevere through things we still cannot fully imagine even after they have happened to us. And what I know is that we need others in our lives. The power one person can have simply by being there, truly being there, is greater than anything in this world-- especially when we call God to work through us. There is nothing greater than this.
What I ask you is if you empower the people around you? I have learned through life that it can be very difficult to empower yourself. But I have also learned that even with simple acts, we can greatly empower others. And I have learned that through empowering others we suddenly are empowered ourselves. When you cannot do anything for yourself, do something for someone else.
They say that you can't take care of others if you cannot first take care of yourself. I believe this to be true however I also believe that sometimes taking care of someone else can also be the best thing you can to do take care of yourself.
All of this can be expressed through my most recent play list, which is as follows:
You're My Home by Billy Joel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-j-Smp0BOA
Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There is a Season) by The Byrds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHvf20Y6eoM
Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbe7OruLk8I
By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU
Never Alone by Jim Brickman featuring Hillary Scott and Lady Antibellum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw
Never Let Go by David Crowder Band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw
Cowboy Take Me Away by Dixie Chicks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uijQQpbZNVo
Easy Silence by Dixie Chicks
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4784406240798360718
Strong Enough to Break by Hanson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhIvcjF74mg
Let It Fade by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h843f2GXie0&feature=related
Walk By Faith by Jeremy Camp (**this one has an AMAZING story which he shares before he plays the song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT9wH8t4Hzw
There Will Be a Day by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUzDOGzABSM
I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Myxg69UpMOA
Friend Like You by Joshua Radin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0MG-vDwrU4
Just To See You Smile by Tim McGraw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTfXgCh96uw
Alright by MercyMe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPhnKcSE6JE
Live Like We're Dying by Kris Allen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3N5CsXYlCk&feature=related
Listen. Enjoy. Life your life.
It helps you to redefine who you are, what you believe, and how you wish to live.
What I know is that my faith in God runs deeper than my blood.
What I know is that I will do anything for a friend in need. Anything.
What I know is that there is little that feels better than knowing you've given comfort to someone when they need it most.
What I know is that I have friends who care enough to stick around even when life has sucked me into a black hole.
What I know is that I have a strong desire to articulate how I feel.
What I know is that I have an even stronger desire to have God speak through me.
And what I know is that the stories we hear in life but reflexively think will never happen to us are very very true.
What I know is that we are stronger than we realize. Too often in life we find that we can persevere through things we still cannot fully imagine even after they have happened to us. And what I know is that we need others in our lives. The power one person can have simply by being there, truly being there, is greater than anything in this world-- especially when we call God to work through us. There is nothing greater than this.
What I ask you is if you empower the people around you? I have learned through life that it can be very difficult to empower yourself. But I have also learned that even with simple acts, we can greatly empower others. And I have learned that through empowering others we suddenly are empowered ourselves. When you cannot do anything for yourself, do something for someone else.
They say that you can't take care of others if you cannot first take care of yourself. I believe this to be true however I also believe that sometimes taking care of someone else can also be the best thing you can to do take care of yourself.
All of this can be expressed through my most recent play list, which is as follows:
You're My Home by Billy Joel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-j-Smp0BOA
Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There is a Season) by The Byrds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHvf20Y6eoM
Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbe7OruLk8I
By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU
Never Alone by Jim Brickman featuring Hillary Scott and Lady Antibellum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw
Never Let Go by David Crowder Band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw
Cowboy Take Me Away by Dixie Chicks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uijQQpbZNVo
Easy Silence by Dixie Chicks
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4784406240798360718
Strong Enough to Break by Hanson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhIvcjF74mg
Let It Fade by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h843f2GXie0&feature=related
Walk By Faith by Jeremy Camp (**this one has an AMAZING story which he shares before he plays the song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT9wH8t4Hzw
There Will Be a Day by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUzDOGzABSM
I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Myxg69UpMOA
Friend Like You by Joshua Radin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0MG-vDwrU4
Just To See You Smile by Tim McGraw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTfXgCh96uw
Alright by MercyMe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPhnKcSE6JE
Live Like We're Dying by Kris Allen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3N5CsXYlCk&feature=related
Listen. Enjoy. Life your life.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Don't judge me because I'm Christian. Ask me, isntead, what it is you do not like or understand.
God never fails to impress me. The number of prayers we throw up into the air-- sometimes it becomes so easy or second nature that our heart isn't purely into it anymore. I work hard to make sure that I at least notice when I fall into this trap. I know people who say prayers that they've learned and have recited since they were young children, yet when they say them, each and every time, I can feel that they are calling God into them and truly praying in a very intimate and raw way. It may sound crazy, but I can physically (or I guess it would be spiritually) feel the presence of God almost as if He's turned His head towards us and can feel us speaking from our heart-- not just reciting words.
I have always struggled with reciting prayers that are memorized. It is easy to say them just because it is what we do or feel we 'should' do, or even simply because of habit. I have recently been refreshed, though, that this is not necessarily the case for every individual.
I think about this when I am with families who say grace before they eat (something which I greatly appreciate) and when I am at my church back in my home town and we say the Lord's prayer. It is easy to simply say the words but why say them if you aren't truly asking (both of God and of yourself) for them to be a reality? I push myself to put true meaning and desire behind what I pray-- regardless of if it is...'freestyle' or 'rehearsed' (for lack of a more clear way to say what I mean here).
Our Father who art in heaven...
I am calling God father-- daddy. How intimate is that? What does it mean to call Him father? What meaning do I choose (and I love that it is a choice of mine) to put behind that?
And He is in heaven, wow. I have images of what heaven might be like from the book of revelations and from various spiritual experiences that I've had, but truly the concept of heaven is mind blowing. Even simply the idea of not having the weight of worry or stress or general daily need. Ever. The idea of every joyful feeling or experience I have ever had filling me constantly without tire. *shakes head* it is dumbfounding. I can't even begin to imagine what heaven will be like. Or, for that matter, what it will be like to see God face-to-face.
Hallowed be thy name...
How holy You are, Lord. I have no words to express. Religion and spirituality is such a personally intimate thing. Relationship. Experience. Core to my existence. To see prayers answered quite literally right before my own eyes. To feel Your voice fill me when I am scared, uncertain or simply need You. To feel Your comfort when I have felt as thought I cannot go on. I don't know what holy means without You. When I think of Your name I am reminded that I am safe with You.
Thy kingdom come...
I can't wait until Your kingdom comes. I have fear, because I have read of what will come before Your presence is here on earth again and before our world comes to an end. And I have witnessed what it is like to experience some of the things You have promised will come before Your kingdom comes. But I hold faith and remain sound knowing that You have chosen us to be a part of Your kingdom. I know that regardless of the vast number of 666 stories that I continue, yes continue, to gain between now and then will be worthwhile.
Thy will be done...
I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like when Your will, and only Your will is done. When the chaos of this world leaves and there is nothing but that which is of You.
On earth as it is in heaven...
And what's better is that You will give us these things on earth. You already do now, in pieces. I have already written here about this, about Your presence in our world throughout the chaos and the greatness, the passion, we have because of Your presence here. What a world it would be without You..
Give us this day our daily bread...
I think of each thing we need on a daily basis to sustain life. My medical issues have reminded me of this oh so clearly-- even the simplicity of needing air and the capability to breath. There are a pluthra of elements which we need in order to physiologically make it through our day. But there is so much more than that; we have emotional, psychological needs, and the list goes on and on. Food does sustain us, but the bread is also representative of the body of Christ. I've lived for a while on this earth without Christ and... well it wasn't good. I have written enough about chaos and evil and the trials that are present in this world. I know what it is like to live only in the presence of these elements. I can't do it without Christ as well. It is a need I have in order to have life (and you can take life on every or any level you wish). I feel I should also share that I know what it is like to be very close to those who don't...I want to be careful how I chose my words...have this same perception of need for Christ. And I have to respect that it is THEIR CHOICE in this. I know what I believe, and I can share (and will share) what I believe, but I will also share that it is NOT my choice to make these beliefs others as well. They have to choose. I have a role, I believe this, but sometimes I have to except that my role is simply to be me and allow others to see and experience who I am. And all the while I have to let them deal with that and come unto that on their own. I can be me. But I cannot, and do not want to make choices for someone else as to what they do or not believe. I can ask that God would give us our daily bread, though.
And forgive us our trespasses...
Yes, please please please forgive me for my trespasses. I desire to ask what I may not realize I have done which might qualify as a 'trespass'. And I am thankful that I have the ability to interpret for myself what a trespass might entail. Choice. I love that choice is such a central element to religion and spirituality. But I have to choose to see what I have done that I do not want to do again. I have to choose to reflect and decide if I need (personally want) to do something in response to one of my trespasses. God doesn't have to forgive me. It is a transaction. I choose how we go about it.
As we forgive those who trespass against us..
It is not just a request that God forgive those who we think may have trespassed against us, not in the slightest. We may request that someone else be forgiven of something, but we must also start within ourselves and ask if we have forgiven them. I have been through some pretty misrible things in life, but I have done everything I can to come to terms with each and every situation so that I might forgive them. Forgiveness is not simply something that you think and decide upon and still hold negative thoughts about them. Forgiveness is so much deeper than this. It includes understanding who they are, where they might be coming from and the context of the situation. I must do what I can to see through their eyes to the best of my ability, and come to learn how to forgive them what they have done, recognizing that it is or was their choice (presumably) and allow it to fall away-- regardless of if I do or do not agree with what it is that they have done. I must find 'what it is that they are telling me about God', as I like to ask myself. It is a matter of coming to a point where I can understand the fullness of the situation as much as I possibly can and then continue to look beyond the situation at what else is within or a part of the person at hand. What more is there to this person than this 'trespass'? I can ask God to forgive, but I must also forgive in my own way.
And lead us not into temptation..
We have so much temptation in life. And, sadly, it only become easier and easier to access and/or follow through with. It can even be as simple as which words we allow to come out of our mouth, what we allow ourselves to get from the music, the tv, the internet, and so on that we take in. What do you do with all that is around you? Remember to stop and take a look at your habits every now and again and ask yourself what you are okay with, knowing that it (in all reality) a deep part of you. Knowing that it does indeed have an affect and influence on others. For me, these words also mean a request to help me to see what my temptations are and how they are relating me to or pulling me away from God.
But deliver us from evil.
Chaos. It surrounds us. Think of the number of people (even just the people that you know and see regularly) who would not be here if it would not be for the ways that they have been delivered from evil. For me, I have been delivered from evil from God. In some instances, it may be directly. In other instances it has been through the work of someone else who is embodying God. In still other instances, it has been God embodied in me that I have been able to deliver others from evil. I mean this with wholehearted sincerity and a very real reality. I have (several) stories of lives that I have saved through God working within me. And I mean the word 'saved' not just in the idea of 'saved-- came to believe in Christ', but literally they would have been dead as in not breathing, heart not pumping. Ask me and I will share some of my stories with you.
When I pray I push myself to think about these elements. When I hear others pray, I hope with all that I have that they think about at least some of these things at least some of the time that they are praying-- we all have to start somewhere.
Praying is not simply something where you say words and ask God to do things for you or share things with Him hoping that He can help. Prayer means opening up your heart to the most vulnerable place and asking Him to take care of you-- even when you don't want to be taken care of. It is acknowledging who He is and reaffirming your belief in His reality each and every time you pray. But beyond that, it is also looking into yourself and seeing what role you play and all of this as well. Our world is not some mass puppet show where there's this big ol' God with white skin and dark hair, a beard and sandals, moving us around, dictating our every move and already decided upon our future. Far from it. He has managed to make us in this complex and mystifying way so that He is there and capable of ANYTHING and yet we get to choose what we want with our life.
God is there regardless. Period. He has given us a choice in life, we get to choose if we believe in Him or not, but He is NOT going to make the decision for us even though he could. We get to choose if we want to live our life recognizing His power and presence in the world or not. It's plain and simple like that.
But what gets complicated is what happens beyond that. I choose to believe that He is real and I continually chose to try to recognize Him in my everyday life. And I have to choose it regularly, because it is easy to not choose to see it. Or, to not let yourself recognize it. But when I let myself, and when I slow myself and see God all around me....it is more than I, the one who has so many words to write out, have words for.
Prayer is like that too. We can choose to pray, but we can also choose if we want to be a part of what we are praying about or for. I choose if I want to just pray for a friend who needs support or if I pray for them and also ask what it is that I can do to be of support. And I choose if I act upon what I see as options for how I might help to give someone what they need. Or, what I need.
I pray continually but I have to remember to also actively look for how I might find what I need or even if what I think I need is really what I need.
It is a process of relaxing into the world, relaxing into what is God around you and within you and seeing the world from that perspective, in addition to the perspective you had prior to relaxing into this new perspective.
I am regularly amazed at of the things of God that are around me. That are around us all.
I have always struggled with reciting prayers that are memorized. It is easy to say them just because it is what we do or feel we 'should' do, or even simply because of habit. I have recently been refreshed, though, that this is not necessarily the case for every individual.
I think about this when I am with families who say grace before they eat (something which I greatly appreciate) and when I am at my church back in my home town and we say the Lord's prayer. It is easy to simply say the words but why say them if you aren't truly asking (both of God and of yourself) for them to be a reality? I push myself to put true meaning and desire behind what I pray-- regardless of if it is...'freestyle' or 'rehearsed' (for lack of a more clear way to say what I mean here).
Our Father who art in heaven...
I am calling God father-- daddy. How intimate is that? What does it mean to call Him father? What meaning do I choose (and I love that it is a choice of mine) to put behind that?
And He is in heaven, wow. I have images of what heaven might be like from the book of revelations and from various spiritual experiences that I've had, but truly the concept of heaven is mind blowing. Even simply the idea of not having the weight of worry or stress or general daily need. Ever. The idea of every joyful feeling or experience I have ever had filling me constantly without tire. *shakes head* it is dumbfounding. I can't even begin to imagine what heaven will be like. Or, for that matter, what it will be like to see God face-to-face.
Hallowed be thy name...
How holy You are, Lord. I have no words to express. Religion and spirituality is such a personally intimate thing. Relationship. Experience. Core to my existence. To see prayers answered quite literally right before my own eyes. To feel Your voice fill me when I am scared, uncertain or simply need You. To feel Your comfort when I have felt as thought I cannot go on. I don't know what holy means without You. When I think of Your name I am reminded that I am safe with You.
Thy kingdom come...
I can't wait until Your kingdom comes. I have fear, because I have read of what will come before Your presence is here on earth again and before our world comes to an end. And I have witnessed what it is like to experience some of the things You have promised will come before Your kingdom comes. But I hold faith and remain sound knowing that You have chosen us to be a part of Your kingdom. I know that regardless of the vast number of 666 stories that I continue, yes continue, to gain between now and then will be worthwhile.
Thy will be done...
I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like when Your will, and only Your will is done. When the chaos of this world leaves and there is nothing but that which is of You.
On earth as it is in heaven...
And what's better is that You will give us these things on earth. You already do now, in pieces. I have already written here about this, about Your presence in our world throughout the chaos and the greatness, the passion, we have because of Your presence here. What a world it would be without You..
Give us this day our daily bread...
I think of each thing we need on a daily basis to sustain life. My medical issues have reminded me of this oh so clearly-- even the simplicity of needing air and the capability to breath. There are a pluthra of elements which we need in order to physiologically make it through our day. But there is so much more than that; we have emotional, psychological needs, and the list goes on and on. Food does sustain us, but the bread is also representative of the body of Christ. I've lived for a while on this earth without Christ and... well it wasn't good. I have written enough about chaos and evil and the trials that are present in this world. I know what it is like to live only in the presence of these elements. I can't do it without Christ as well. It is a need I have in order to have life (and you can take life on every or any level you wish). I feel I should also share that I know what it is like to be very close to those who don't...I want to be careful how I chose my words...have this same perception of need for Christ. And I have to respect that it is THEIR CHOICE in this. I know what I believe, and I can share (and will share) what I believe, but I will also share that it is NOT my choice to make these beliefs others as well. They have to choose. I have a role, I believe this, but sometimes I have to except that my role is simply to be me and allow others to see and experience who I am. And all the while I have to let them deal with that and come unto that on their own. I can be me. But I cannot, and do not want to make choices for someone else as to what they do or not believe. I can ask that God would give us our daily bread, though.
And forgive us our trespasses...
Yes, please please please forgive me for my trespasses. I desire to ask what I may not realize I have done which might qualify as a 'trespass'. And I am thankful that I have the ability to interpret for myself what a trespass might entail. Choice. I love that choice is such a central element to religion and spirituality. But I have to choose to see what I have done that I do not want to do again. I have to choose to reflect and decide if I need (personally want) to do something in response to one of my trespasses. God doesn't have to forgive me. It is a transaction. I choose how we go about it.
As we forgive those who trespass against us..
It is not just a request that God forgive those who we think may have trespassed against us, not in the slightest. We may request that someone else be forgiven of something, but we must also start within ourselves and ask if we have forgiven them. I have been through some pretty misrible things in life, but I have done everything I can to come to terms with each and every situation so that I might forgive them. Forgiveness is not simply something that you think and decide upon and still hold negative thoughts about them. Forgiveness is so much deeper than this. It includes understanding who they are, where they might be coming from and the context of the situation. I must do what I can to see through their eyes to the best of my ability, and come to learn how to forgive them what they have done, recognizing that it is or was their choice (presumably) and allow it to fall away-- regardless of if I do or do not agree with what it is that they have done. I must find 'what it is that they are telling me about God', as I like to ask myself. It is a matter of coming to a point where I can understand the fullness of the situation as much as I possibly can and then continue to look beyond the situation at what else is within or a part of the person at hand. What more is there to this person than this 'trespass'? I can ask God to forgive, but I must also forgive in my own way.
And lead us not into temptation..
We have so much temptation in life. And, sadly, it only become easier and easier to access and/or follow through with. It can even be as simple as which words we allow to come out of our mouth, what we allow ourselves to get from the music, the tv, the internet, and so on that we take in. What do you do with all that is around you? Remember to stop and take a look at your habits every now and again and ask yourself what you are okay with, knowing that it (in all reality) a deep part of you. Knowing that it does indeed have an affect and influence on others. For me, these words also mean a request to help me to see what my temptations are and how they are relating me to or pulling me away from God.
But deliver us from evil.
Chaos. It surrounds us. Think of the number of people (even just the people that you know and see regularly) who would not be here if it would not be for the ways that they have been delivered from evil. For me, I have been delivered from evil from God. In some instances, it may be directly. In other instances it has been through the work of someone else who is embodying God. In still other instances, it has been God embodied in me that I have been able to deliver others from evil. I mean this with wholehearted sincerity and a very real reality. I have (several) stories of lives that I have saved through God working within me. And I mean the word 'saved' not just in the idea of 'saved-- came to believe in Christ', but literally they would have been dead as in not breathing, heart not pumping. Ask me and I will share some of my stories with you.
When I pray I push myself to think about these elements. When I hear others pray, I hope with all that I have that they think about at least some of these things at least some of the time that they are praying-- we all have to start somewhere.
Praying is not simply something where you say words and ask God to do things for you or share things with Him hoping that He can help. Prayer means opening up your heart to the most vulnerable place and asking Him to take care of you-- even when you don't want to be taken care of. It is acknowledging who He is and reaffirming your belief in His reality each and every time you pray. But beyond that, it is also looking into yourself and seeing what role you play and all of this as well. Our world is not some mass puppet show where there's this big ol' God with white skin and dark hair, a beard and sandals, moving us around, dictating our every move and already decided upon our future. Far from it. He has managed to make us in this complex and mystifying way so that He is there and capable of ANYTHING and yet we get to choose what we want with our life.
God is there regardless. Period. He has given us a choice in life, we get to choose if we believe in Him or not, but He is NOT going to make the decision for us even though he could. We get to choose if we want to live our life recognizing His power and presence in the world or not. It's plain and simple like that.
But what gets complicated is what happens beyond that. I choose to believe that He is real and I continually chose to try to recognize Him in my everyday life. And I have to choose it regularly, because it is easy to not choose to see it. Or, to not let yourself recognize it. But when I let myself, and when I slow myself and see God all around me....it is more than I, the one who has so many words to write out, have words for.
Prayer is like that too. We can choose to pray, but we can also choose if we want to be a part of what we are praying about or for. I choose if I want to just pray for a friend who needs support or if I pray for them and also ask what it is that I can do to be of support. And I choose if I act upon what I see as options for how I might help to give someone what they need. Or, what I need.
I pray continually but I have to remember to also actively look for how I might find what I need or even if what I think I need is really what I need.
It is a process of relaxing into the world, relaxing into what is God around you and within you and seeing the world from that perspective, in addition to the perspective you had prior to relaxing into this new perspective.
I am regularly amazed at of the things of God that are around me. That are around us all.
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