Missing you

I find it amazing how much we can miss someone. This is a topic that I don't always delve fully into because of all of the emotion that comes along with deeply missing someone. But lets test out the waters a bit.

Emotion plays such a large role in our lives, why don't we embrace it more? I work to talk about the little things in life through this blog and the underlying message behind most of it is to be connected and aware of the "little things" in life. But what does it mean to be connected or aware? I'm talking about letting yourself see, experience and react to them. This all plays on ethos-- emotion.

But I wonder if some of this comes back to the element of missing someone or something. To be connected with something also means that there is a chance of that thing, that connection to also no longer be there anymore. Anyone who has ever lost anything-- something truly cherished --never wants to experience those feelings again. Why do we get homesick? It is because we miss what we love, what we are connected with. That connection isn't there anymore, or at least not in the same way or with the same intensity that it once was. I think what we miss in live also shows us what we are (or perhaps no longer are) connected with.

People are they very obvious things to become connected with. We were created with a need for others. Can we carry on without people at all, yes, but it is not what we have chosen and that choice has reasons behind it.

So I lead myself into this: if we love with the kind of love I spoke of in my last entry, it is also that much easier to miss.

Missing is not a good feeling. Think of grief. think of how you feel if you've broken or lost a cherished possession. How long it takes to get a child to no longer suck their thumb, try taking a blanket away from someone who has slept with it their entire life. Music from those who spend more hours listening than they realize. The list goes on and on. And the thing about some of these things that we miss, is that it produces a kind of emotion that we are not used to and do not know how to react to. It is often the kind of emotion where we can't really put our finger quite on what it is that is bothering us. Chance are very good, though, that some sort of change has happened and the feeling involves missing.

A person is someone that we invest so much into. Time, money, tears, sweat, work, play, sleep, etc etc etc. With those who have truly touched and found a home in our heart, we give everything we have to them or for them. Now put distance between that person and you. It can be physical distance or it could simply be changes in schedules that makes it more difficult to spend the time you feel in love with having together. You miss them.

Missing someone has so many levels as well. Maybe what you find yourself missing is someone that truly hurt you. Not only do you miss the connection you had but you're also conflicted because of the presence of the scar from the hurt that happened. Or maybe it's the opposite, you lost someone you never expected you would lose. Missing someone will bring us to tears at the drop of a dime. Sometimes it slams into you an invisible brick wall. It takes you and shakes you until it feels like everything inside you has been flipped upside down and turned inside out. You don't just miss the person but you miss all of the pieces of their life that you are a part of. Something simple, like saying goodnight before bed. The look they have right before they give you a hug. Their smile. When you have someone who shares in your live with you, truly shares in it, when you miss them you also miss that part of your life where you get to share it with them. Truly sharing your life with someone is one of the most amazing life experiences.

Looking at the words that are laid out here, a lot of what we miss are the simple things. They say you don't know what you have until its gone, I think that this is because we don't look at the little things. The little things are the things that we end up missing in the end-- the fact that you can always call, the ability to give a hug, someone's smile and the sound of their voice. When they're gone, they leave a huge hole. This is what happens when we don't take them for all that their worth every time we're blessed with the chance to experience them. What, then, when we are taking the chance to notice them?

This is the challenge to all that I write here and all that I live by. By taking that time to notice, appreciate and fall in love with the little things, to be connected, we make ourselves vulnerable to missing them even more deeply than we first loved them. Why love, why notice, why connect when it can be taken away?


I have responses to these questions, but they are all rooted in the same thing. Loving, noticing, and connecting make it all worth it. I am willing to endure the worst in life if it means that I also get to love, notice, and connect. There is pain and discomfort in missing but love is greater than this. When you miss someone it is because of love. When you see this, you can let the love surround you again and fill in the holes that seem to have been left behind.


Now, for any of you Christians out there who perhaps might read this, consider this: God is love. We're talking true love here now, keep that in mind. Is there anything greater than Him? Is it worth loving to experience Him knowing that you might miss it later? And, more so, we miss because we no longer have. And what we no longer have is what we loved, or what has triggered a Godly feeling. When we love, we have gained a connection with God. We miss because our connection with God has changed. Finally, I have said that love is still greater than all else, which leads us to the reality that if we hang on to God while missing, He will remain with us and where He is, so is there love. We may miss greater than we knew was possible, but as long as we keep our hearts open to God, He will give us the love we need to fill the holes the missing has created.

What love have you been given today? I know what and whom mine is. And I am truly thankful that love is greater than it all.

Living with love

My friends, as I've promised, I am back and here to write some more!

I apologize that it has been so long since I have written. Some seriously serious stuff has been present in my life, but for which I am not unthankful. Instead, I see these elements and their presence in my life as tools helping me to see again what it is that I live for, what I desire in life, and simply how pure love can be.

This is where my thoughts are today, around love. I'm not talking love as in I'm madly in love with this guy and he's all I can think about... No, I'm talking pure and simple love. The love you give only to someone who deeply knows and is invested in the simple enhancement of your worth.

If you think about anyone who has ever truly been invested in who you are as a person, wanting to enhance who you are, let you be who you are, and learn every edge of what it means to be you, chances are very good that you are smiling with the sense and understanding of what real love is. What is sad, is it seems to be remarkably difficult to find someone who desires to allow you to be you and fully accepts every aspect of who that is. At times, its completely and utterly difficult to realize that this is seemingly so hard to come by-- particularly if you're finding yourself realizing that perhaps you don't have one of those people in your life right now. I know most of us have been in that boat...and it's not a pleasant one.

But I also have to say that the difficult is also what makes it so pure and simplistically awe-striking. The not having it forces you to become invested in yourself. It forces you to see who you are and to deal with the questions of why you are the way you are and whether or not it matters the way others may or may not perceive or understand you. It forces you to first love yourself. Or, perhaps it does the opposite. Currently researching mental health for an internship, I know all to well (via research and other outside experience) that it is quite easy to not believe in yourself or your worth. But again it comes back to love.

There is that day that you realize the unconditional love and true desire to know and be with you, all of you, every aspect of you, is present in such a way you never truly knew was possible. All of a sudden the world turns the other way and you feel emotion and security in a way you haven't before, at least not quite like this. Its why we love dating so much-- the other person is so truly curious and excited to meet and see and discover just who you are. And, further, they're loving every second of it. And there you are, presumably, enjoying every micro-moment of the discovery of who they are. There is a truly blissful desire in gaining who the other person is while opening yourself to allow them to see the real you. All of you. But again, I am not rooting this love in the aspects of our life we call dating, courtship, or even marriage. They are present so many other places. And yet these are the places that we see love the least.

There is something truly special and, I'd like to venture to say rare, about an intimate love without the elements of sex. Holding someone's hand without any further intent than to simply be close to that person. Showing affection and love with only the pursuit to share how much you care and enjoy their presence. Nothing more. Relational love can be like this too, or so I assume, but there is something different when it's simply two closest of friends.

What I ask, is how have we become a culture where showing the care and the love that we have for our friends is something to be ashamed of or to be hidden. Why do we hold back? There is fear of pain, I understand this deeply, but I still question what else holds us back. Pain is enough, I believe this, but there is more that goes into the pain. There is a built up leading to the pain. There are social ramifications which leads to the pain and, sometimes, is the pain all together. What has happened to the purity of our world? What has happened to the childlike nature to simply love and enjoy and be who it is we want to be, whatever that might be at any given moment. I work to live as if these elements have not left us. It's an upward battle, but why not love? Anyone who knows me, deeply knows me on the most surface level of being able to deeply know, can see and understand that I try to do as much as I possibly can through love. Not a sexual, I want to get in your pants kind of love, but a pure and simply investment and care for who you are. A desire to give you what you need to love and live life in a way that makes you feel amazingly wonderful.

Hold on to your love. Share your love. Live through love.

its been a while, but i'll be back again

life has been a bit crazy lately. things i can't write about publicly but many other thoughts which i can write about and very much want to. i've missed it. so no worries, writing again i will soon again do!