Passionate Frustration-- Continued

I remember, now, why I was frustrated yesterday. There's a class I'm in that drives me nuts at the moment. I found myself frustrated because I had absolutely no desire to write the paper assignment we were given. It was due Monday night and I still was not done early Monday afternoon.

I enjoy writing a great deal; I wouldn't have a blog if I didn't enjoy writing at least in the slightest. So when it comes to academic papers, yes there are some that I wouldn't mind doing without, but generally speaking I thoroughly enjoy putting my thoughts down on paper and therefore don't mind them much. I learn more about myself as I write. So even when I am working on an assignment that I don't really enjoy or a topic matter that I have little interest in, I am still somehow able to find a way to enjoy at least some of the writing process.

This assignment, though, I seriously had no desire to put any effort into. This thoroughly frustrated me.

Where does this frustration come from though? So easily we say it is simply because we are upset or don't want to do something that we feel like we have no choice but to do. Or we see that we have a choice-- I can easily choose to not write the paper --but the result of either choice we make is not something we are satisfied with. These are valid things. But there is more to it than that.

I am irritated with the situation. The lack of organization, being unsure of investment (perhaps of the professor but potentially the program/department in the decisions that led up to how the course is being run), and feeling as though there is little purpose in what has been and will continue to be asked of us. These too are valid things, but again this is not the root of the frustration.

I have chosen to go ahead and find a way to invest myself still in the material-- at least to a small extent. I have chosen to do the assignments, not with as much heart as I do my others but still complete them nonetheless. And this is where the root begins.

In choosing to do the assignments, even halfheartedly, there comes a choice to sacrifice. Sacrifice is the thick meat of the root.

What is sacrifice? What does it mean to sacrifice. I think of what was sacrificed for me, in terms of my religious beliefs, when I consider the term sacrifice. And I consider what I am willing to sacrifice for others-- much more than many, perhaps any, know. Sacrifice is an incredibly intimate portion of our life.

I have chosen to sacrifice sleep, eating meals while doing homework, elements of my job, relationships with others, and time away from myself. I have pushed through sickness when unwise to complete what has been asked of me-- whether there is portrayed (key word there) investment and purpose on the other end or not.

For what things in your life are you willing to sacrifice these same things? What and why are you willing to sacrifice. I think these are important questions.

We sacrifice for what is important to us. We sacrifice for our values, our ethics, what we love.


What happens, then, when something you value, believe in, or love betrays you? Maybe betray is too strong of a word to begin with. What happens when one of these things shows you or emanates, yes, what you still value, believe in and/or love, but also something which you do not?

Frustration.


Frustration, arg!! Frustration because you're not willing to jeopodarize what you value, believe in and/or love, but frustration because you do not like or agree with one element of what you value, believe in, and/or love. There is conflict. But this conflict doesn't erase the value, believe and love. There is still passion-- in other words --and because of this passion is confronted with a roadblock, frustration is produced.


The beautiful thing about understanding this is that when I witness frustration in others, I am able to break it down and soon I can see their passion. And then suddenly there is beauty within frustration.