I was so inspired to write for the past several hours and now that I sit down at my computer, blog open and ready, I'm stuck. Yuck.

I love to teach. In ways it surprises me and in others it doesn't at all. TaeKwon-Do has really opened this world up to me, but it goes so much further than that. There's something about being able to captivate the people or even the person in front of you. I think I was able to achieve that tonight and it made me feel wonderful while I was doing it. What I find interesting, though, is how our reaction is to question just to what extent it may or may not have been wonderful the moment after we've finished. I, earnestly, blame it on our devotion to grades. It is only good if I am told it is good.

And yet, we study theory in my class before tonight's, and here is this "advanced level of development" where you simply do not care what others think. Or, "separate yourself from" others in that the sense of coming to a point where what they think, in the end, does not matter.

What I ask is, is this possible? Particularly when we've spent our lives, and continue to spend it, in a world which tells us what is right and wrong and when something is good or meets standards and when it does not. And yet, here I am, sitting right here, ready to lay it all down on the line to do anything that God might ask of me.

It makes sense
to me
but I can't always explain
with words
why.

And in other moments, I'm pierced with the Holy Spirit and so clearly the words pour out of me in a way I never could have imagined.


But this stems away from the original direction I was heading in--

We live such a large portion of our lives being remarkably limited in our ability to choose for ourselves, truly.

We spend even more of our lives having others tell us what is right or wrong, good or bad, beautiful or ugly and, unfortunately, the list continues.

How, then, do we come to an understanding that I can choose what I am okay with and what I am not okay with?

How much easier is it for us to apply what we think is right to the people we come across in our day to day lives than to ourselves?

How is it that we come to being able to move beyond that point, into true acceptance of ourselves in EVERY given moment?

The answer to that would be the process of life; which is too much for this (and several other) entries. The answer is also how we come unto religion, spirituality and the lack there of (Each of which I truly believe strongly involves CHOICE-- yet another entry. I take it back, read my 25pg essay discussing the intercomplexities of "Christian Feminism"). And when I say come into, I mean personally rather than prescriptively.

This one right here has been the latest cored which has been strummed within me in regard to what I believe, why I believe, how I've come to believe, and how I live what I believe.

This is another entry (series) though.


Here I am talking about God and religion and the ability to truly make a choice for oneself in life, questioning to what level it is truly possible-- none of which was anything I had intended to write about. In a way, though, that's a piece of the beauty of the art: if you allow writing to do so, it will take you on unforeseeable adventures.

Bliss.

And where did it all start? My car has been in the shop since Friday. Yep, this started because I have been carless.

Walking. I love it. I've missed it. Walking with headphones on.

Yes, I know, I know, I'm writing about music and headphones yet again. But what can I say? It is such a large part of our everyday lives, why not slow down enough so that we can truly recognize it?

More on this, soon, I'm sure.